Panic
by Slyshpuppy234
Summary: "Anger made you stupid, Michonne had said that once, in some far away town filled with the dead, and Carl couldn't afford to do anything stupid." My take on what Carl was thinking during the season 6 finale. Two part: Set during that ending scene with Negan.
1. Chapter 1

**Just what I imaged Carl would be thinking. To clarify, I haven't included all of Negan's lines; these are his thoughts** _ **as**_ **Negan is talking, if that makes sense. As a disclaimer I don't own Walking Dead. Enjoy part 1 :)**

They had screwed up. When Carl saw Daryl and the others being pulled out of the box, his heart sank even more. Before, even when his mind was replaying _Oh Shit_ on loop in his head, a tiny part of him truly believed they would be okay. That somebody, _anybody_ would start shooting the others down. They would run from the woods, guns blazing and shooting and save them. It had happened before. That night before Terminus, after they were captured by Terminus' people, and the prison for Christ's sake. The prison which had been one of their most monumental fuck-ups, still left them alive and breathing. After all they had been through, they were still standing. A small part of him had truly believed that somehow this would all work itself out.

 _Stupid_. He scolded himself, all that time in Alexandria had made him weak. How could he have ever thought there would be a way out. No one was going to save them. In Alexandria they hadn't forgotten about the primary problem, walkers. But they'd slowly forgotten about the other enemies out there.

The humans.

It had taken him a while to remember. If he was honest with himself he had had forgotten how much fear one person could put in another. The way another human being could make your skin crawl just by standing near you. He hadn't forgotten the power they could have though. How could he, especially after Terminus. But he had forgotten what it felt to have fear racing through his veins. Fear that was caused by a person and not a walker. And God did Carl feel the fear now. It was like some sick joke the universe was playing, let them forget and then rip it back into them. He was terrified, for his dad's life, for his, for everyone's.

God, he was _so stupid_. He was weak, and let Ron live and his eye got blown off. Now here they all were, most likely about to die. As he looked over at Daryl he remembered. Oh boy did he remember what people could do. Daryl's breathe was jagged, and even though he was on his knees he looked like he would collapse at any second. Carl looked at him closely. He wasn't even near Daryl but he could tell that _they_ had done something. Most likely a bullet wound, and from the looks of the hunter, it was infected. _If we don't get that cleaned, Daryl could die,_ Carl realised. Then again, it probably didn't even matter. He imagined they would all be dead soon anyway.

Carl frowned; there had been lots of moments where he thought he would die. Multiple times where he had thought to himself, _this is it_ , only to somehow survive. He would open his eyes and fight, kill, recover from any threat. He supposed now, it was almost easier. With the choice of life taken away without his consent, he wouldn't feel guilty for giving up. If he died tonight, it wouldn't be his fault, no one would blame him. He could die guilt free. After all, how could he have known that the Saviours would come through those woods? A trace of doubt rippled through his mind. Carl knew that his thoughts weren't entirely true. He should have heard the Saviours coming. _He_ had been the one leading the group. It was _him_ that had made a promise to his dad that morning to do whatever it takes.  
Carl felt a lump in his throat. Yet again, he had failed. His dad had been counting on him, _he had made a promise._ And now here they were. All because Carl was _stupid._ He should have known that the saviours would attack them that way. He was so _stupidstupidstupidstupid_ and now they were all going to die and Judith and Enid would die and he would never see them again. His jaw clenched at that thought. He scrutinized what he'd last said to Enid.

"Just survive somehow", He really was an idiot he decided. How stupid he was to say something like that. How are you meant to survive in a situation like this, how is anyone? He looked down at the ground, and wondered how exactly they would "just survive somehow". It wasn't possible. He had been wrong. Sometimes, there just isn't a way.

Carl's thoughts trailed off. There was no point getting mad at himself. What's done is done; he'd heard people say before. There was nothing else he could do now, other than wait.

"Pissin' our pants yet?"

Carls head flicked towards the voice. Walking out from the R.V. was the man Carl assumed to be Negan. An inaudible swallow was made. This was him. Carl felt another wave of terror jolt through him. Even the man's presence alone was menacing. Carl narrowed his eye, _show no fear_ , he thought. He wasn't stupid. He knew this wouldn't end well. Never before had he been so vulnerable, his life hanging so much in another person's fingers. But Carl would be damned if he showed just how scared he was.

Carl watched as Negan took in the group. Negans gaze settling on each of them. Finally, he looked at him. Refusing to look down, the boy stared at him. Carl inwardly grimaced at the way Negan smirked when they made eye contact. They both knew Carl was scared inside, that his defiance for show. More importantly, they both knew who was winning the power struggle. Not that there really was a struggle, Negan could take them out in a heartbeat if he wanted to. There they sat, like sitting ducks. No, Carl thought, like turkeys waiting to be slaughtered. That sounded right. Slaughtered.

"Which one you pricks is the leader?" Negan rasped, his voice prickling in Carls ears.

Carl looked on helplessly as Negan strode over to his father. His father who had started shaking. His father who had sweat dripping over his face. Carl blinked back tears. He had never seen his dad so, broken before. No more than three metres away, his dad looked terrified. Carl observed Negan as he moved to stand in front of his dad. His eye widened momentarily as he saw the bat in Negans hand. He felt his spine stiffened. There were spiked chains wrapped around the end. Obviously to cause more pain. Carls gaze flickered between the bat, Negan and his father.

The bat, Negan, his father.

The bat, Negan, his father.

He didn't like the way Negan was standing over his dad, threatening to take their lives. Threatening His family. Anger merged with fear and thread its way into Carl's blood. Carl intensified his stare on Negan. He had no right to swing that bat around. No right to kill any of them.

As Carl looked back at his dad, he recalled what he'd heard him say to Maggie earlier that day.

"As long as we're together", His dad had been comforting Maggie on her deathbed.

Well shit, they were definitely all together now. Like some fucked up family reunion. In some way, the boy was comforted by the fact that they were all together, Carl supposed it was better to die with family than die alone.

Dying. The image lingered in the back of his head. He had long realised that they would not all make it out alive. When they began kneeling on the floor, it was painfully obvious what would happen. At first, he had thought _its okay we'll be okay we'll be okay we'll be okay_ like some prayer in his head. But then the box opened and the rest of his family came out and he realised, this time, they might not be okay. Nothing will ever be okay again.

Carl squeezed his one eye shut for a moment, _no_ he thought fiercely. He would not give them the satisfaction of seeing him cry. If they were going to kill him, they would see his face, strong and resilient. They didn't deserve to see him cry. Carl clenched his fists as he regained control of his tears. He thought about how his group was surrounded, how they could be killed at any moment and his heart almost exploded in his chest. Never in his life had he been more scared. He blinked back his tears and reopened his eye, he would not cry tonight.

Don't panic, he thought to himself. His chest rose. Inhale the oxygen, exhale the carbon dioxide. His chest went down. Chest up, chest down. Inhale, exhale. Up, down. Up, down. Up, down. Carl repeated the mantra in his head. Anything to keep him from hyperventilating, god were they screwed. Screwed. Fucked. Broken. Carl ran out of adjectives, he'd stopped school at a 6th grade level.

 _Don't Panic_.

Carl looked at Negan again, he really didn't like that bat. He felt more sweat form at the top of his forehead when he thought about what it could do. He pictured the bat crushing Judith's skull, breaking her ribs, smashing Enid's- _So don't think about it. Look around, try and find a weakness._ Yes, Carl thought, everyone has a weakness.

Carl tore his gaze away from Negan. It's okay, he comforted himself, he could look at the other men just for a second. Just to see exactly who they were dealing with. Although he already had a pretty good idea. There weren't as many men to his left, but the ones that were there set the tone. He could tell they weren't the kind of guys to let them go easy. Carl gathered that there were more men behind him. He had seen them come out into the clearing earlier. He flicked his eye back to Negan. He should be watching him; Negan was the one in charge after all.

A grunt from the side brought back his attention. Looking from his peripheral vision he saw one of the men near his left rubbing his hands together, staring at him. Not for the first time that night, Carls breathe caught in his throat. He recognized that look. Swallowing back a sob he stared ahead. He knew what that man was thinking, the same way he knew what that claimer had been thinking. The claimer from…from that night. Carl's chest tightened as he remembered that man. How his fingers had greedily pulled at his waistbands, the way his hands had roamed his body freely. He remembered feeling something hard against his back, how he had almost puked when he realised that it was- _No,_ Carl would not allow himself to think of it.

Carl looked back at his dad. The man who protected him, who had been there, always. Only this time Carl knew he couldn't be protected. If that man wanted to grab him and drag him into the woods, there wasn't a damn thing his dad could do. Carl shuddered slightly, now that he had realised what some of the men here wanted, he noticed others. There wasn't just that one man at his left. Up ahead, there were more men, staring at him with lust in their eyes. Carl wanted to get up and run. Run until his feet were bleeding, until his feet were blistered, run until his shoes fell off. But he couldn't. He was trapped.

He saw how they stood in a pack, their eyes hungrily watching the women. Maybe it would be worse for Maggie, Sasha and Michonne if they didn't die. He jerked his eye away as he thought of what those men would do to them. No, he couldn't let that happen. He refused to even think about what those men would do to the women.

The teenager looked at Negan again. He straightened his spine, trying to appear as intimidating as possible. Negan was telling them about the new world order. How he basically owned all of them. His dad was shaking. God he looked scared. He had never seen his dad this way. There was sweat dripping off around him, paired with a crazed look in his eye. Not the crazed in the good way. Not the way it had been in his dads eye when he rescued them from the box in Terminus, or the crazed look he'd had when he set off to kill what they thought was Negan's group. No, there was something different about this look. There was something else in his eyes, he couldn't place it.

"You have shit, you give it to me. That's your job" Negan kept talking, cruelly taunting them.

There was sick glimmer in the man's eyes as he spoke. Carl swallowed, he could see it all happening in his head. The saviours coming into Alexandria, taking everything. Negan's head whipped to the side as he spoke and made eye contact with him. There was a slight smirk on the older man's lips as he continued on.

"Now I know that is a mighty, big, nasty pill to swallow… but swallow it, you most certainly will!" Negan kept the eye contact with Carl as he spoke.

He was enjoying this, the boy realised. Negan was relishing the fear radiating off of everyone, getting off on it probably. Carl looked away. He felt his lip begin to shake. How had this gotten so bad he didn't know. None of them had thought his would happen, the saviours weren't supposed to be in the woods. His dad looked like he was about to throw up. He didn't blame him, he wasn't far off himself. He felt sick, thinking of giving Negan their supplies. They had been through so much, survived through so much to get to Alexandria. Carl blinked back more tears, everything they had worked for, was over.

"You ruled the roost, you built something. You thought you were safe. I get it, but the word is out. You are not safe." Negan was towering over his dad now. "Not even close."

Carl shuddered in horror. How could they have been so stupid to think they were safe? They had never been safe, not on the farm, or the prison, or at Terminus, or in Alexandria. How could they make the same mistake time after time? The same goddamn mistake of thinking they were safe.

Well, Carl thought bitterly, at least now they were learning their lesson. Only it was too late. They were held at gunpoint, possibly about to be killed. Only this time was different. Sure Carl had been held at gunpoint before, but there had always been a way out. This time, there really was nothing. And now they were being told to give up everything for some maniac with a bat. Carl shut his eye for a moment. Maybe if there was some fucking god out there, they would listen.

 **I wanted to talk about how I expressed Carl's emotions. I feel very conflicted as to what was going through Carls mind. The entire of this episode we saw Carl express a very protective dominant side towards the group. Remember when he was talking to his dad and Carl insisted he would do whatever it takes to keep them safe? So I feel that Carl would be very threatened by Negan, obviously terrified for his life, but he would feel angry towards him. At this stage, it appears as though Rick has given up, almost everyone is visibly shaking and crying, and then there's Carl. Carl has a very defiant attitude about him during this scene, even Negan told him to "loosen' up". I think this is possibly related to his eye injury. It has given Carl a very dark outlook on the world. I tried to show Carls anger at what's happening to him. I feel like this scene was similar to the season 4 finale, where the Claimers showed up and started bossing them around. Carl would remember how weak and useless he felt, and I imagine he wants to** _ **do**_ **something to the Saviours. Show them that he's not weak and he will fight back.**

 **Carl bashes himself a lot in this chapter. I included this because I felt as though Carl would feel guilty. He has made it a personal mission for him to help the group. He said as much to Rick earlier. I can't help feeling that part of him would feel like this is his fault. Even way back in season 5, when they first arrived in Alexandria, Carl said to his dad that they were weak, and the group should avoid becoming that way. In my opinion, the group has weakened. When they first arrived, Rick (I think?) said to Diana "we were out there too long" and mentioned they had almost forgotten who they were. It's almost a reverse of that now. They've spent so much time** _ **inside**_ **the walls that they've forgotten what other people can do.**

 **Ultimately however, Carl would just be scared. Earlier that day, the group was full of confidence; they believed they would win the war. And now here they are, stripped of weapons and at the mercy of the Saviours. That would be downright terrifying, even in this new Walker world.**

 **Wow that was long, if you've made it to the end of my little analysis, props to you. Leave a review if you liked part 1 :) And I welcome** _ **constructive**_ **criticism!**


	2. Chapter 2

"This is your way of life now. The more you fight back the harder it will be". Negan's voice rang through the clearing. There was an air of finality in his tone, he was stating facts.

In front of him, Carl swallowed a cry. Truthfully he wasn't sure how much more he could listen to. He didn't want this to be their new life, and he definitely didn't want Negan to own them. Negan was now stood in front of the groups RV. Technically it was the Saviours RV now. The wired bat in his hand glinted off the cars headlights. Carl looked down as it flashed in his eye. Negan was moving it around in a power play. Carl knew he was trying to scare them as much as he could before killing them. The Claimers had done the same thing, killing wasn't enough, everyone wanted their victims to suffer first.

"So if someone knocks on your door, you let us in. We own that door." Negan was still talking. The man moved towards his dad again.

Carl discreetly eyed the gun in front of him. He had never felt so useless. There was a gun right there in front of him and he couldn't even use it. The Saviours had taken it from him earlier. Technically it was their gun but they'd left it in Alexandria. And Carl had taken a liking to it. It was his now. There were exactly four bullets left in that gun. In _his_ gun. Four bullets. One for each of Negan's limbs.

"You try to stop us and we will knock it down". Negan shoved his bat into his dads face. That statement was for him.

Carl knew what Negan was saying. There was no hope. There was no way to fight back against the Saviours. They were too strong, too powerful, too large, too everything. His group could do nothing.

Negan stood menacingly in front of his dad. Carl watched silently as he continued. "You understand?"

God, they were so fucked. He looked on hopelessly as his dad said nothing. Carl felt his blood boil with fury. _This wasn't fair_. In that moment Carl felt another tear welling up in his eye. Furiously blinking it back, he tried to control his emotions. He was getting too scared and angry. That was a deadly combination. In the old world in would have been okay, but not in the new world. Not in this one. Anger made you stupid, Michonne had said that once, in some far away town filled with the dead, and Carl couldn't afford to do anything stupid now. Especially with that gun near him. Oh the things he could do with that gun. He wanted nothing more than to blow Negan's brains out.

Negan mockingly put his hand to his ear, "What…no answer?" Negan smirked as he stepped back.

Carl cringed inwardly; Negan appeared more deadly when he did that.

"You don't really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished now did ya?" Negan seemed amused by them. Like he thought it was funny that they tried to fight back. "I don't wanna kill you people, just wanna make that clear from the get go"

The casualness to his sentence sent a chill down Carl's spine. He had no doubt that other people had been in this position before. Other people had knelt down in terror, unsure if they would live or die. In some way, Carl felt an odd comfort in his words. So they wouldn't die today. Truthfully, he didn't know if surviving this would be any better than death. The humiliation of going back to Alexandria, now under the control of Negan would be strong. They would all live in fear, never knowing when the Saviours would come knocking. Carl blinked as Negan started talking again. He really did not like that bat.

Carl surveyed the surroundings. Secretly he was hoping that there was a heard of walkers nearby. Maybe they would get distracted by the car headlights and come this way. Maybe Negan would get bit. Carl sighed; the odds of that happening were slim to none. It was ironic, the one time in his life where walkers would be helpful, they weren't there.

For the second time that night, he knew this was his fault. If he hadn't been so careless, if he had been leading the way properly like he was supposed to, none of this would be happening. They would be at the hilltop, getting Maggie help. He felt shame wallow inside of him. _This was all his fault_. Carl looked at his dad. The shaking had only gotten worse. His knees were buckling and his shirt clung to him, damp with sweat. Carl wanted nothing more than to hug him. To be in his father's embrace and be told that everything was fine. He wanted to be in Alexandria playing with Judith, reading comics with Enid.

Rick swayed to the side slightly and Carl let out a silent prayer that he wouldn't faint. The situation was bad enough as it is. Negan was talking about the men they had killed. Shit. It didn't take a genius to figure that Negan wanted revenge. Carl felt a pit in his stomach form. If a man like Negan wanted revenge, it would be painful.

"So now,"

Carl swallowed as Negan paused for suspense. He _wanted_ them to be scared. Don't show fear. Don't panic. The thoughts ran through Carls head quicker than a bullet. He didn't want to hear whatever came next. He swallowed as Negan carried on, his words making him sick to his stomach.

"I'm gonna beat the holy hell outta one of you", Negan spoke in a calm voice. There was a moment of silence as he let them take in the information.

Carl felt the words wash over him. So this was it. This was their punishment. He shifted uncomfortably; his shirt was clinging to his back. His eyes flitted back and forth through his group. He felt his mouth go dry and he watched as a stunned silence briefly fell over them. He didn't know how to react. The only thought going through his head was "Oh god not me, not me, not me".

Carl cast his eyes down in shame. He knew he should be thinking about saving Maggie, or Glenn, or Sasha, hell, he was the last person he should save. But that's how the world was now, you looked out for yourself, and yourself only.

He looked at the bat in Negan's hand and internally grimaced at the thought of "Lucille" hitting anyone. There was no way you could survive. Even if the world was how it used to be, with ambulances and doctors and hospitals, there was nothing that could be done. That bat would obliterate whoever it hit. The barbed wires wrapped around it would only serve to make the process more painful and bloody. And hey, what was a beating without blood?

Carl watched as Negan walked round the group. He felt his heart skip when Negan cast his bat over him. He couldn't breathe. But then the man moved on to the next person and Carl shut his eyes in anger. Negan was fucking _playing_ with them; like pieces of meat. Chanting a child's nursery rhyme.

And then. Carl couldn't hear the chanting anymore. An eerie silence washed over the clearing. He looked up. Negan had chosen his victim.


End file.
